The Winchester Wasps
After gaining promotion in their first season together by winning the Solent League division 3 title in 2008/09 with a 15-1 record the Wasps have been promoted to division 2 for the 2009/10 season.
The Wasps training times are:
- Sundays 11am - 1pm at Kings school (The Hive!)
- Thursdays 8pm - 10pm at Kings School
Home Games - Thursdays 8pm at Kings School
Winchester Wasps Player profiles
Rich Styants - Head Coach– Been playing forms of Basketball for 62 years, but his number one love will always be sheep hurling. Rich has played for approximately 200 teams and carried an injury on 199 of them.
Interesting Fact: Decided to go into basketball as he could get away with a bit more violence than football or boxing.
Ryan Squires – Known to his friends as ‘Squeeze’, you can call him Ryan. Squeeze played for Thornden in the WBL last season and received his highest ever honor being named WBL MVP for the 2008 season. He cried when he found out, then he cried again when I gave him his Wasps kit.
Interesting Fact: Ryan has never seen a Sunday morning and also suffers from a rare disease where he gets completely disorientated while stood at the free throw line!!!
Pascal Matthias – Former Giant and Millbrook Poodle, Pascal is a cloths designer, but he’s not gay! He takes part in many heterosexual activities including talking about football, making babies and Greco Roman Wrestling.
Interesting Fact: In 2002 Pascal designed the Pink Barbie summer collection.
Yaz El-Hakim – Yaz is another former WBL player both with Winchester Uni and the Giants. As soon as Yaz learnt to read he got a job at the University of Winchester, since then he has achieved great things including finishes the whole Harry Potter collection in under a month! Hopefully it won’t take the Wasps as long to finish off the Hogwarts boys this season.
Interesting Fact: Yaz is half Cornish and half Sudanese mountain goat.
Darren MacAskill – Darren is another former Giant and Trailblazers player. Darren is currently working on a new post move, where he will hide the ball in his beard beat the defender and flip the ball in off his chin.
Interesting Fact: Darren’s penis is the size of an average everyday peanut, which can make him very angry on the court.
Jeff Sponagle –This Canadian native used to run up and down the Grand Canyon as part of his pre game warm up. Jeff was cut by the Vancouver grizzles for tying his team mates boot laces together at every home game. When Jeff came to England he didn’t realize we actually played basketball here, so he joined Thornden instead.
Interesting Fact: Jeff is from Nova Scotia where the Titanic dead are buried, that’s actually interesting!
Dave Sharpen – Yet anther former Thornden player, Dave was going to North Wales to study to become Yaz’s understudy at Winchester Uni. However due to the bad weather and his complete dislike of anything Welsh, Dave decided to stay down South and join the Wasps so that he can learn from Yaz close up.
Interesting Fact: Dave can fly.
Jon Neale – Jon is very enthusiastic even though he is a teacher. Jon played alongside my little brother, Mark, on the Hampshire teams, but has admitted he will never be as good as me. This is the pinnacle of Jon’s basketball career having only played for minor teams in the past like the Solent Stars who were so bad they went out of business.
Interesting Fact: Jon has ex-ray vision, so watch out if you notice him staring at you in a funny way.
Steve Vaughan – Steve joins the Wasps after previously playing for the Southampton Trailblazers. Steve is really quick, he once outran an entire herd of Wildebeest on his way home from a party.
Interesting Fact: Steve earns a living steeling miniature bottles of Bacardi from Easy Jet then selling them on eBay.
Jon Pickering - Jon, or Cave Man Picky as he is known to hotmail users, was a 3'6 power forward with Southampton Trailblazers u8s until his birth certificate turned up and he had to join their fully grown boys team. Great at stealing the ball as no-one sees him coming.
Interesting Fact: Jon is looking forward to a possible 60 game season this year, including a few occasions where he will play 2 games in a day, obviously I could still do that easily.
Dave Cooley - Another former Thornden player who has joined the team this season. This guy is gansta personified! Don't mess with Dave, or sit him on the bench again after getting him to walk to the scorers table - just don't!
Interesting Fact: Dave lives with Squeeze (not in a gay way, I don't think), but he can be seen out of the house on some Sunday mornings.
Mark Radford - Mark is an ex Southampton Trailblazer and looks like a chubby Adam Sandler, but he's not funny. The more he runs on the court the higher his voice goes, so if he's having a good game he sounds like a little girl.
Interesting Fact: He is a connoisseur for take away food and has worked at Domino pizza, McDonalds and a kebab shop all for the Staff discount cards.
Stu Ibbs - How many former Thornden players are their on this team. Stu has tourrettes which tends to be triggered by taking a shot. So any refs out there no more T's - he can't help it!!!
Interesting Fact: Stu has promised to make all Sunday morning trainings and to give up booze and late nights forever!
Ian Hannah – F – New more accurate profile on its way soon, but his Warriors one is funny in a gay club chairman type of way. - If the Warriors had a symbol that represented them, it would be a picture of Ian. Unrivalled in his commitment to this club and the game of basketball, he never stops training and working on all aspects of his game. A very experienced player, Ian has a Marine like approach to the game. He gives 100% whenever he is on a court and doesn’t back down from any opponent. He can do it all: shoot, pass, drive, rebound as well as play really intense defense that troubles the best offensive players. A really nice guy, always willing to help with any aspect of the clubs development, he is an asset to the team and club, that we couldn’t be without and I love him more than sugar candy.
Interesting Fact: Ian can be seen in the clubs and bars around Winchester most Saturday nights dressed as a lady and calling himself Ianna.
Louis Paddington – This former Giants player is the clubs reporter. Another Eastleigh native he too had a hard life growing up, so decided to stop growing when he was 6.
Interesting Fact: Frequently seen on TV wearing a bear suit.
Isaac Paddington - Younger brother of Louis, although to look at them together you could never tell. Isaac or the Big Bear works as the stunt double to his big brother. His most famous stunt being the one when he fell into a duck pond while chasing Mr Browns kite - hilarious!!!
Interesting Fact: Isaac is not related to Yogi.
Wasp 2008/09 Player Stats
| Name | Team | Games Played | Points scored | Average | top score |
| Jon Neale | Wasps | 9 | 220 | 24.4 | 38 |
| Dave Sharpen | Wasps | 17 | 179 | 10.5 | 27 |
| Jeff Sponagle | Wasps | 17 | 172 | 10.1 | 21 |
| Ryan Squire | Wasps | 13 | 130 | 10.0 | 20 |
| Pascal Matthais | Wasps | 15 | 120 | 8.0 | 25 |
| Darren MacAskill | Wasps | 15 | 113 | 7.5 | 14 |
| Yaz El-Hakim | Wasps | 6 | 83 | 13.8 | 29 |
| Steve Vaughan | Wasps | 16 | 49 | 3.1 | 11 |
| Scott McMillan | Wasps | 11 | 40 | 3.6 | 10 |
| Louis Paddington | Wasps | 9 | 24 | 2.7 | 8 |
| Sam Smyth | Wasps | 10 | 23 | 2.3 | 6 |
| Andy Reed | Wasps | 3 | 10 | 3.3 | 5 |
| Sam Heppenstal | Wasps | 1 | 5 | 5.0 | 5 |
| Pete Reed | Wasps | 7 | 2 | 0.3 | 2 |
| Rich Styants | Wasps | 4 | 1 | 0.3 | 1 |
| John Reid | Wasps | 2 | 0 | 0.0 | 0 |
Former Wasps
Pete Reed – Hales from the Village of Eastleigh, but hasn’t let this disadvantage get the better of him. Pete comes from an unfortunate basketballing background having plied his trade with the Wizards last season.
Interesting fact: Pete has the smallest nipples in the world.
Andy Reed – Pete’s little brother, follows Pete wherever he goes, played for the Giants in the WBL and Wizards last season. Tends to antagonise opponents then gets his big brother to give them a kicking for him.
Interesting fact: Andy is an Accountant... there is nothing interesting about Andy.
Scott McMillan – Another former Thornden player, Scott has played for both the Solent and Trailblazer juniors. Scott is another inhabitant of Eastleigh and has been seen using his natural born skills to break into basketball gyms in the Winchester area.
Interesting Fact: Scott and the Eastleigh Town massif have stolen your car at least once in the past 6 months.
Sam Smyth – Another former Giant, he also played for the Wizards last season (there seems to be a pattern emerging here). Sam has quick hands and can remove an old woman’s bra in 3.56 seconds while she is fully clothed.
Interesting Fact: Sam enjoys his charity work, his last ‘girl friend’ was an 87 year old virgin. It says was! Good on you Sam, high five!
